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in: Left 4 Dead, Quotes and Captions

Francis/Quotes and Captions

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ParkGraffitiZombielove "I'm gonna teach your ass how to read."
This article/section is typed directly as it is represented in-game and therefore may have spelling errors. Please do not correct spelling mistakes unless it is not as it appears in-game.


A list of Francis' Quotes and cut quotes, also known as Captions in Left 4 Dead.

Intro[]

  • [ As Bill inspects the mysterious green goo ] "Jesus, don't let that stop you from smearing it all over yourself."
  • "Goddammit, Bill! Augh, it stinks!"
  • "Stick together!"
  • [ Before shooting the Smoker that is dragging Bill ] "Hang on!"
  • [ After Helping Bill up ] "Merry Christmas."
  • [ Waiting for the Tank to come around a corner ] "Come on, come on!"

The following are lines used on the PC "commands" and "responses" lists when (by default) holding down Z or X.

"Yes" responses[]

  • "Yes."
  • "Roger that, good buddy."
  • "That sounds about right."
  • "Alright."

"No" responses[]

  • "No."
  • "No can do."
  • "No sir-ee bob."
  • "No way, Jose."
  • "Negatory."
  • "Hell no!"
  • "Not a chance."
  • "Nope."

"Hurrah" responses[]

  • "We are UNSTOPPABLE!"
  • "'Hell yeah!"

"Arrgh" responses[]

  • "F-ing hell!"
  • "That's bad."

"Wait" responses[]

  • "I'm tired of running from these pussies."

"Thank you" responses[]

  • "Thanks."

"Let's go" commands[]

  • "Let's go break stuff!"
  • "Let's go kill something!"
  • "Get your rear in gear!"
  • "HOLY SHIT! RUNNNNNNN!
  • "GET THE LEAD OUT!"
  • "LET'S BEAT IT!"

"Lead on" commands[]

  • "I'll follow you."

"Look" commands (Close)[]

  • "Check this shit out."
  • "Well hell! Look at this!"
  • "What the hell is this?"
  • "Somebody better check this out."

"Look" commands (Distance)[]

  • "Over there."
  • "Look!"
  • "Look at this!"

"Hurry up" commands[]

  • "Hurry!"
  • "Hurry it up!"

Friendly Fire[]

  • "That hurt."
  • "Dammit! Will you knock it off!"
  • "Will you knock it off!"
  • "Do I look like a target?"
  • "You know I would appreciate it, IF YOU'D STOP SHOOTING ME."
  • "Watch where the hell you're shooting."
  • "Watch where you're shooting!"
  • "Stop. Shooting. Me."
  • "Hey! Stop. Shooting. Me."
  • "Watch where you're shooting!"
  • "Don't shoot me!"
  • "Watch where you point that thing!"
  • "Dammit! Watch where you're shooting!"
  • "Monsters all over the damn place, and you gotta shoot me."
  • "Quit freaking shooting me!"
  • "Shoot me again, I'm gonna kick your ass."
  • "Do that again, and you're gonna be firing that thing outta your ass."
  • Shot by Bill:
    • "AH! You havin' some kinda flashback, Old Man?"
    • "God DAMMIT, Bill!"
    • "Bill, quit shootin' me."
    • "Watch yer fire, Old Man."
    • "Nice Shot, Bill. That was my ass."
  • Shot by Louis:
    • "I'm gonna shove that gun up your ass, Louis."
    • "Cut the shit, Louis."
    • "OW! Louis!"
    • "GODDAMN IT, LOUIS! Stop shootin' me!"
    • "Hey! Suity! Quit shootin me!"
    • "LOU-IS STOP SHOOTING ME!"
    • "Louis, don't be a punk."
  • Shot by Zoey:
    • "Look, sweetheart, I ain't a goddamn vampire."
    • "Knock it off, Zoey."
    • "Zoey. Sweety, STOP SHOOTING ME!"
    • "Zoey, aim that thing somewhere else."
    • "Zoey! Stop shooting me."
  • When set on fire:
    • "You set me on goddamn fire!"
  • When a survivor kills another by accident:
    • "Be careful!"
    • "That was not cool."
    • "Pull yer head outta your ass."
    • "Careful!"
    • "Hey! Careful!"
  • When a survivor kills another on purpose:
    • "That. Was not cool."
    • "Never. Ever. Try that shit on me."
    • "Never. Ever. Do that again."
    • "What the hell are you doing?"
    • "Hey, come on, you didn't need to do that."
    • "Hey! I'm all for killin'... just not one of ours!"
    • "Stop that shit!"
    • "You try that shit with me, you ain't gonna be so happy."
    • "Hey! hey!"
    • "Ah shit, that attitude ain't gonna help anyone."

Calling for rescue[]

  • "I could use some help over here! Anyone?"
  • "Anyone out there? I got myself stuck in here!"
  • "Get me the hell out of here!"
  • "Heeeeyyyy! Can anyone hear me? I could use a hand."
  • "Hey! Someone let me out of here."
  • "Goddammit, I'm stuck in here! Someone let me out!"
  • "When you get a chance, can you guys get me outta here?"
  • "If it ain't too much trouble, I could use a hand out of here!"
  • "Hey, can anyone hear me? I got my ass stuck in here."
  • "Someone want to let me outta here?"
  • "Ah shit I'm stuck! C'mon! I could use a hand out of here!"
  • "Shit, I'm stuck in here! Someone give me a hand!"
  • "Goddamn it! I need to get the hell out of here!"

"Lock the door"[]

  • "Lock the damn door."
  • "Lock the door."
  • "Lock that door!"
  • "You born in a barn? Lock the goddamn door."
  • "Lock the freakin' door."
  • "Personally, I'm happy to keep fighting. But you ladies might want to lock the door."
  • "Someone gonna lock that door?"
  • "Get that lock."
  • "Lock the goddamn door."
  • "Would you lock that sucker?"
  • "Keep 'em out! Lock that door!"

Alone[]

  • "Hello?"
  • "Where are you?"
  • "Where is everyone?"
  • "Is anyone there?"
  • "Marco!"
  • "Where'dja guys go?"
  • "Where the hell did everyone run off to?"
  • "Hello? Where dija go?"
  • Rejoining the others:
    • "I'm here!"
    • "Hey, I'm here!"
    • "Hello!"
  • All survivors rejoined:
    • "We're all here!"

Nice shooting[]

  • "Nice shootin', Tex."
  • "Nice shootin."
  • "You are takin' care of business."
  • "You're getting good with that gun."
  • "This is gettin' fun, isn't it?"
  • "Nice shooting - keep it up."
  • "See? I told you guns were fun."
  • "Sheeeet, you're all right with that gun."
  • "Damn. Leave a few for me."

Health related[]

When another survivor is badly wounded[]

  • "We oughtta heal up while it's quiet."
  • "Seems like a good time to heal up."
  • "This might be a good time to heal up."
  • "You should heal up."
  • "Someone should use their health pack..."
  • To Bill:
    • "Old man - use your health kit."
    • "Bill, man, heal up."
    • "Bro, heal up."
  • To Louis:
    • "Hey Louie, use your first aid kit."
    • "Louis, you gotta heal up, man."
    • "Louis, heal fer chrissake."
  • To Zoey:
    • "Zoey, heal up."
    • "Zoey darlin', heal up."
    • "Zoey, patch yerself up."
    • "Hey Zoey, you oughtta heal."

When badly wounded and not carrying a health pack while another survivor carries one[]

  • "Anyone have some first aid? I'm about to die."
  • "Sure could use a med kit. Just sayin'."
  • "Can anyone patch me up?"
  • "Ahh - hey, someone wanna patch me up?"
  • To Bill:
    • "Bill, could I borrow your med kit? I just wanna look at it."
    • "Bill, you got a med kit I could have?"
    • "Old man, you forget you have a health pack, or you saving that for me?"
    • "Bill, I kinda need that med kit you been hordin'."
  • To Louis:
    • "Louis, you got a med kit I could have?"
    • "Louis, don't bogart that med-kit, man. I'm hurt."
    • "Louis, while I hate to break that ensemble and all, can I have your health pack?"
    • "Louis, gimme your health pack."
    • "Louis, any chance you can spot me a med kit?"
  • To Zoey:
    • "Zoey, you got a health kit for me?"
    • "Hey, little lady, if you ain't gonna use that health kit I could use it."
    • "Hey Zoey, spare a med kit for a dyin' man?"

You're welcome[]

  • "Well, hell, you're welcome."
  • "I got your back."
  • "Any damn time."
  • "Hey, no problem."
  • "No problem."
  • "Sure."
  • "I told ya I'd take care of ya."
  • "No, thank you!"
  • "Yer welcome."
  • "Yea, I'm pretty awesome."
  • "No problemo, pal."
  • "It's all good."
  • "Gotcha."
  • "Whatever, whenever, man."
  • "Yeah, well, remember this when we're down to our last beer."

Upon being helped up after being incapacitated[]

  • "I'm okay."
  • "No, no, I'm all right."
  • "Hell if I know."
  • "Ah, hey, is this my blood?"
  • "I'll make it."
  • "I'll live, I'll live."
  • "Uh, how's my face?"
  • "I've been better."
  • "Shit. I hope I don't need all that blood."
  • "Good thing I'm indestructible."
  • "You should see the other hundred guys."
  • "You think they'll call us heroes someday?"
  • Cut:
    • "If I go down, promise you'll go on without me, get help, then come back and save me."
    • "You think they'll call us heroes someday? We are savin' humanity, right? A very small, four-person chunk of it, but still."

On low health[]

  • "I don't feel so good."
  • "I don't - I don't know if I am going to make it."
  • "Man, I feel like you guys look."
  • "I've - I've felt better."
  • "This is turning into one of those days."
  • "I have definitely felt better."
  • "I need to get patched up."
  • "Even my ass hurts."
  • "This is startin' to get to me."
  • "I ain't gonna make it much further."
  • "I don't wanna sound like a sissy, but I'm hurt bad."
  • "I think I'm pretty screwed up."
  • "I'm hurtin'."
  • "Dammit, I am messed up."
  • "Shit, this just hurts."
  • "Oooh mama, this hurts."
  • "I feel terrible."
  • "God, I feel awful."
  • "I think I'm gonna puke."
  • "I'm feelin' pretty shitty and a little woozy. The woozy is kinda fun."
  • "Sheeet, I ain't gonna make it."
  • "Shit, I just hurt."
  • "I feel like shit."
  • "I ain't doing so good."
  • "I feel pretty crappy."
  • "I feel like guys look after I've punched them in the face."
  • "Shit..."
  • "I gotta get some first aid."
  • "I need to score a med kit."
  • "Ah christ this hurts like hell."
  • "Christ, I need a med kit."
  • "I ain't gonna make it."
  • "Goddammit, this hurts."
  • "I ain't gonna let these goddamn vampires beat me."
  • "Ow. God DAMMIT!"
  • "Ah man, somethin' don't feel right."
  • "This hurts."
  • "I'm pretty hosed."
  • "Killed by vampires. What a goddamn disgrace."

Incapacitated[]

  • "Help!"
  • "I need some help over here."
  • "I'm in trouble!"
  • "Dammit, I need some help."
  • "Help me!"
  • "I'm in some trouble!"
  • "I need some help over here."
  • "Hey! I need some help!"
  • "I need a hand over here!"
  • "I'm in a little trouble over here!"
  • Almost dead:
    • "I need help NOW!"
    • "This is it, I need help now!"
  • Hanging on ledge:
    • "Hey, I could use a hand."
    • "Get your ass over here and help me up."
    • "Someone want to help me out here?"
    • "Hello. I could use a hand."
    • "Someone wanna give me a hand?"
    • "I'm hanging here."
    • "I ain't hangin' here for fun, get over here and help me."
    • "Hey, I really need a hand."
    • "Could use a hand here."
  • Starting to have trouble hanging on ledge:
    • "Okay, joke's over, get your ass over here and pull me up!"
    • "Someone pull me up already!"
    • "I ain't gonna last hanging here much longer."
    • "I'm not screwing around, I really need some help over here!"
    • "For chrissake, pull me up already."
  • About to fall:
    • "I'M SLIPPING! PULL ME UP!"
    • "GET OVER HERE OR I'M GONNA FALL!"
    • "I CAN'T HOLD ON - I'M GONNA FALL!"
    • "SHIT... I'M GONNA FALL!"
    • "I'M GONNA FALL!"
    • "I CAN'T HOLD ON!"

When helping up an incapacitated Survivor[]

  • In the middle of an infected-free area:
    • "Hang on, hang on, I'm here. Relax, I gotcha. Get up. Get up now. We gotta move."
    • "Woah, I thought you were hosed for sure, but I think I can get you back on your feet."
    • "Come on, lazy - can't have ya laying around all day. We gotta get moving. Let me get you up."
    • "You look like shit, but I think I can get you up on your feet enough to keep moving."
    • "C'mon, let's get you on your feet. You look pretty messed up, but that might help you out a little if you know what I mean."
    • "Don't worry, don't worry, we all go down sometime. Lemme get you up."
    • "Didn't think you were gettin' back up."
    • "Yer a little tougher than ya look. Get up."
    • "You ain't gonna be much help down there. Lemme get ya up."
    • "Nap time's over. Let's get you up. We gotta keep going."
    • "Nap time's over, sweetie. Let's get you up. We gotta keep going."
    • "If you think we look bad, take a look at the other guys."
    • "Jesus. Human body's only got nine pints of blood in it. You might want to, like, save some in a cup or something."
    • "Hey, look on the bright side: Even if you don't make it, I'll still be really handsome."
    • "You did good back there. Right up to the point where all the zombies attacked and, you know, almost killed ya."
    • "Zombie killin's harder than it looks, innit?"
    • "Ahhh, you'll be fine. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to be able to see that bone."
    • "Let's get you patched up so you can go die someplace nicer."
  • In action:
    • "Hold on. I'm gonna get you up!"
    • "Come on, come on! Get up!"
    • "Get your ass up, let's go!"
    • To Bill:
      • "Get the hell up, Bill!"
      • "C'mon Bill, get up!"
      • "I ain't gonna carry you, Bill. Get the hell up!"
      • "Let's go, Bill. Up an' at 'em!"
    • To Louis:
      • "Get up, Louis!"
      • "Let's go, Louis. Get up!"
    • To Zoey:
      • "Zoey, let's go, get up!"
      • "C'mon Zoey, get the hell up!"
  • Asking the downed survivor how they're doing:
    • "You okay?"
    • "How d'ya feel?"
    • "Can you make it?"
    • "You gonna make it?"
    • "How bad are you?"
    • "You look bad."
    • "How ya doin'?"
  • After they responded:
    • "Up and at 'em."
    • "Come on up!"
    • "Up ya go."
    • "You'll be okay."
    • "I got ya."
    • "Up we go."
    • "Hell, you're fine."
    • "It don't look bad."
    • "Come on up."
    • "Let's move!"
    • "You're fine."
    • To Bill:
      • "Back to the fight, Billy."
    • To Louis:
      • "Let's get to it, Louis."
    • To Zoey:
      • "You're fine, Zoey."
  • Saving a survivor hanging on a ledge:
    • "Come on, don't worry, I gotcha. Up you go."
    • "You think I was gonna let you just hang around all day? Get your ass up here."
    • "You ain't gonna fall, I gotcha. Quit blubberin' ya little baby, now get your ass back up here."
    • "You ain't gonna fall, I gotcha. Get yer ass up here!"
    • "You ain't gonna fall, I gotcha. Quit blubberin' and get back up here."

When helping up an incapacitated Survivor on their last life[]

  • "I gotcha, I gotcha. Man, you took a real beatin'. We gotta find you some first aid, cuz you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "No worries - I gotcha, I gotcha. Man, you took a real beatin'. We gotta find you some first aid, cuz you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "Okay, okay. Come on. Man, you are on death's door. We gotta get you some first aid, 'cause you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "Ah shit, I can't lie, you are messed up bad. We gotta get you some first aid, 'cause you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "I can help you up, but you ain't gonna last. We gotta get you some first aid, 'cause you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "Okay, let's get you - Oh, man, they really tore you up. We gotta get you some first aid, 'cause you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "I can get you up, but oh shit, We gotta get you some first aid, 'cause you go down like this again and it's over."
  • "Relax, I gotcha. But, shit, we gotta get you some first aid, 'cause you go down like this again and it's over."

Grabbing pills[]

  • "Hey, a little pick me up."
  • "Grabbing pills."
  • "Might need these."

Giving pills away[]

  • "Merry Christmas."
  • "Share the wealth, brother."
  • "I got something for you."
  • "Here, take this."
  • "Hold up, I got something for you."
  • "Take this."
  • "Take it. Hell, I don't need it."

When healing[]

  • "Cover me!"
  • "Get my back."
  • "Watch my back! But don't stare at my ass."
  • "Watch my back."
  • "Watch my back, bro."
  • "Wait up. I'm healing."
  • "Cover my ass."
  • "Healing, cover me."
  • "Wait up, I'm healing."
  • "Hold on, gotta heal."
  • "I'm healing."

Upon seeing Bill's body[]

  • "Rest in peace, old man."
  • "Bill's gone!"
  • "Shit, I'm gonna miss the old guy."

Upon seeing Louis's body[]

  • "The manager's down for the count."
  • "Ahhh. The manager's down for the count."
  • "Ah shit, I was just starting to like that guy."
  • "Shit, I was just starting to like that guy."
  • "Damn it, he didn't deserve this."
  • "Rest in peace, brother."

Upon seeing Zoey's body[]

  • "She's dead."
  • "She's gone."
  • "She's - she's gone."
  • "Ah hell, she's dead."
  • "Ahh, Zoey. No."
  • "Ahh damnit, not Zoey."
  • "Goddamn, Zoey's dead!"

When two survivors died[]

  • "Two left. All right. We can still do this."
  • "Just two of us left. Shit."
  • "You and me gotta find some tougher friends."
  • "This shit ain't funny."

If someone is left incapacitated outside the saferoom[]

  • "Are we just gonna leave someone behind?"
  • "We gotta get back out there."
  • "We gotta heal up and get back out there."
  • "Helpin' is half the fun."
  • "Well shit, kill zombies in here or out there. Let's go."
  • "C'mon girls, let's heal up and get back out there."
  • "Ahh shit, I just can't sit here and wait for them to die."
  • "Let's go kill some zombies."
  • "Let's go kill some vampires."
  • "Hell with this. Let's go kill some zombies."
  • "Screw this. Let's go kill some vampires."
  • "I'm bored. Let's go kill some zombies."
  • "I'm bored. Let's go kill some vampires."
  • If it's Bill:
    • "That old man wouldn't leave one of us out there."
    • "We just leavin' Bill out there?"
  • If it's Louis:
    • "I don't know man, I don't think we need any more bankers."
    • "We should maybe go get Louis. I'm just sayin'..."
    • "We just leavin' Louis out there? I mean, I'm cool with that if everyone else is."
  • If it's Zoey:
    • "We can't leave Zoey out there."
    • "We gonna just leave Zoey out there?"

If there is one survivor left outside of the saferoom[]

  • If it's Bill:
    • "Hey, Adult Diapers, move!"
    • "Hey, Old Folks Home, get in here!"
  • If it's Louis:
    • "Hey, Power Tie, get in here!"
  • If it's Zoey:
    • "Hey, girl, get in here!"

Weapon related[]

Looking at Pipe Bomb[]

  • "Pipe bomb over here!"
  • "There's a pipe bomb over here."
  • "Pipe bombs!"

Grabbing Pipe Bomb[]

  • "Ah great, homemade explosives."
  • "This'll blow some shit up."
  • "Grabbing a pipe bomb."
  • "This'll blow the crap outta something."

Throwing Pipe Bomb[]

  • "FIRE IN THE HOLE!"

Picking up Shotgun[]

  • "Shotgun! Alright folks, I'm on crowd control."
  • "I'll take this room sweeper."
  • "Grabbing a shotgun."

Picking up Auto Shotgun[]

  • "Got an auto shotgun."
  • "Come to daddy, my sweet shotgun."
  • "Now this is a shotgun I can love."
  • "Those bastards think they're sick now, wait'll they get a taste of this."
  • "Huh, this shotgun is more my style."
  • Francis: "Groovy."
    • Zoey: "[Imitating] Groovy."
    • Francis: "A-FRICKIN'-men."
  • Francis: "Groovy."
    • Louis/Zoey: [Short laugh]
    • Francis: "What's so funny? It is groovy."

Picking up Submachine Gun[]

  • "Woah, full auto! Everybody stand back."
  • "Full auto! Right on!"
  • "Grabbing a machinegun."

Picking up Pistol[]

  • "A little double pistol action."
  • "Double my fun."
  • "Two pistols. Hell yeah."
  • "I'm taking an extra pistol."

Picking up Hunting Rifle[]

  • "Now that is a sweet-ass scope."
  • "A hunting rifle. Nice."

Picking up Assault Rifle[]

  • "This oughtta put the fear a' God in 'em."
  • "Gonna rack some up with this assault rifle."
  • "This assault rifle should help."
  • "I'm grabbing this rifle."
  • "Cool"

Looking at Molotov[]

  • "Molotovs!"
  • "Molotov's over here!"
  • "Molotovs over here."

Grabbing Molotov[]

  • "All right, cocktails!"
  • "Grabbing a Molotov."
  • "Fire!"

Throwing Molotov[]

  • "GRENADE!"

Infected related[]

Boomer[]

  • [ Responding to a nearby Boomer ] "I hear a Boomer out there."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Boomer ] "I hear a Boomer! And it sounded Canadian."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Boomer ] "Hear that Boomer? I'm gonna kill his ass."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Boomer ] "Watch it. We got a Boomer."
  • [ Spotting Boomer ] "BOOMER!"
  • [ Puked on ] "Holy Jesus! That's bad!"
  • [ Puked on ] "He puked on me!"
  • [ Puked on ] "Eh, yech!"
  • [ Puked on ] "Ewwwww...ah shit! Yech!"
  • [ Puked on ] "Shit."

Hunter[]

  • [ Responding to a nearby Hunter ] "Yeah, you better hide! Sweatshirt-wearin' little wuss..."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Hunter ] "I hear a Hunter. Come on out, wussy..."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Hunter ] "Sounds like a freakin' Hunter."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Hunter ] "There's a Hunter someplace around here."
  • [ Spotting Hunter ] "HUNTER! And it sounded Canadian."
  • [ Spotting Hunter ] "HUNTER!"
  • [ Pounced on ] "Get him off!"

Smoker[]

  • [ Responding to a nearby Smoker ] "Smoker. Hah, he's gonna have to use that tongue to choke my foot out of his ass."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Smoker ] "Smoker. Hear it?"
  • [ Responding to a nearby Smoker ] "Smell that Smoker?"
  • [ Sing-song ] "Sounds like a smoker."
  • [ Spotting Smoker ] "SMOKER!"
  • [ Being pulled by Smoker ] "No, no, NO, NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

Jockey[]

Note: Francis will reuse his voicelines upon getting pinned by a Hunter whenever he's getting Ridden by a Jockey.

  • [ Spotting a Jockey ] JOCKEY!
  • [ Spotting a Jockey ] Little guy!
  • [ Spotting a Jockey ] LITTLE VAMPIRE!

Spitter[]

  • [ Spotting a Spitter ] Spitter!
  • [ Getting hit by a Spitter goo ] MOVE!
  • [ Getting hit by a Spitter goo ] Go!

Charger[]

Note: Francis will reuse his voicelines upon getting attacked by a Tank while incapacitated whenever he's getting pummeled by a Charger.

  • [ Spotting a Charger ] Charger! (2 versions)

Tank[]

  • [ Being attacked by a Tank ] "This thing's killing me!"
  • [ Being attacked by a Tank ] "Get this thing off me!"
  • [ Being attacked by a Tank ] "I got a Tank on me!"
  • [ Being attacked by a Tank ] "This thing's pounding the hell out of me!"

Witch[]

  • [ Responding to a nearby Witch ] "Hear that Witch? I'm gonna give her something to cry about..."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Witch ] "A Witch! [Sniffs] And she's close."
  • [ Responding to a nearby Witch ] "I hear a Witch. Turn your light off!"
  • [ When a Witch growls ] "You got a death wish? Leave that Witch alone!"
  • [ When a Witch growls ] "Oh shit, the witch is gettin' riled up!"
  • [ When a Witch growls ] "Watch it, that witch is gettin pissed!"
  • [ Responding to an angry Witch ] "Stop spooking that effin' witch!"

Horde[]

  • [ Responding to zombies not vampires ] "Yeah, whatever you say, professor monster."
  • "Where the hell did all these vampires come from?"
  • [ Responding to incoming horde ]
    • "Here they come!"
    • "This is gonna be good."
    • "Watch your ass!"
    • "Shit, get ready!"
    • "Holy shit! Here they come!"
    • "INCOMING!"
    • "Get ready, ladies!"
  • [ Upon Alerting the Horde ] "Effin' hell."

Killing Special Infected[]

  • "That's mine."
  • "Down!"
  • "Dead!"
  • "Nailed it!"
  • "Popped it!"
  • "Got it!"
  • "Popped a cap in his ass"

Another Survivor Kills Special Infected[]

  • "Good shot!"
  • "Nice shot!"
  • "Whoah. Nice shot!"
  • "Great shot!"
  • "Nice shot, bro."
  • "Good one!"
  • To Zoey: "Nice shot! For a girl."
  • To Louis: "Nice shot! For a girl. Louis."

Setting a Tank on fire (cut)[]

  • "Burn, you son of a bitch."
  • "Go to hell."
  • "Burn, you vampire bitch."
  • "Stay the hell down."
  • "Screw ALL you vampires."
  • "Eat me, you piece of shit."
  • "Die, you bitch."
  • "BURN IN HELL! Burn in hell."
  • "That was for ME!"
  • If Tank has killed Bill: "That was for Bill!"
  • If Tank has killed Louis: "That was for Louis!"
  • If Tank has killed Zoey:
    • "Thanks for killin' our only woman."
    • "That was for Zoey!"

Level Specific[]

No Mercy[]

The Apartments[]

  • Intro:
    • Bill: "We can take the subway tunnels to the hospital. There's a redline station not far from here."
      • Francis: "I hate subways."

The Sewer[]

  • Entering the courtyard:
    • "We've got to get to the hospital."
    • "Get on the lift!"
    • (Cut) "Hit the button!"
  • Entering the sewers:
    • "I hate sewers."
  • In the sewers:
    • Bill: "Francis, is that you or the sewer?" / Louis: "Phew... Francis..."
      • Francis: "Hey! hey!" / "Oh hey, that is uncalled for!"
    • "Now this is some shit."
  • Entering the hospital:
    • "Into the hospital!"
    • "There's a safe house in the hospital!"

The Hospital[]

  • Exiting the saferoom:
    • "I hate hospitals. And doctors and lawyers and cops..."
    • (Cut) "I hate hospitals."
  • Climbing up stairs:
    • "I hate stairs."
  • If a survivor tries to call the elevator again (cut):
    • "I already pressed the damn button."
    • "Yeah, it'll probably come quicker if ya keep pressin it."
    • "Hey jackass, I already pressed the damn button."
    • "Yeah, it'll probably come quicker if you just keep pressin it."
  • Elevator arrives:
    • "Get on the elevator!"
    • "Elevator's here!"
  • Inside the elevator:
    • Bill: "We been immune so far, but - well, if I start to turn, promise you'll shoot me."
      Francis: "What if just your beard starts to turn? Can I shoot that?"
    • Francis: "I hate elevators. I hate helicopters. I hate hospitals. And doctors and lawyers and cops..."
      Bill: "Francis, is there anything you don't hate?"
      Francis: "You know what I don't hate? I don't hate vests."
    • Francis: "Which one of you jackasses just beefed?"
      Zoey: "Oops, sorry!" (The captions show "The biggest mystery about this vampire outbreak is", pointing out that this line was changed during development.)
    • Bill: "I have a bad feeling about this."
      Francis: "Hey, look on the bright side: even if you don't make it, I'll still be really handsome."
      Bill / Zoey: [Short laugh]
    • Francis: "Hey Louis, you look like shit."
      Louis: "I don't wanna die. I know nobody wants to die, but I'm like, fifty times that."
      Zoey: [laughs]
    • Bill: "I have a bad feeling about this."
      Francis: "I'm comin', Bill. Keep yer beard on."
      Bill: [laughs]
    • Bill: "We been immune so far, but - well, if I start to turn, promise you'll shoot me."
      Francis: "Allright, then, let's do it!"
      Bill: "Don't be an ass, Francis." / "Shut up, Francis."
    • (Cut) "So, how's yer beard holdin' up, Bill?"

Rooftop Finale[]

  • Exiting the saferoom:
    • Zoey: "That helicopter pilot better be here."
      Francis: "If he ain't, at least we'll die with a nice view of the city."
    • (Cut) "Louis, try not to blow up the helicopter..."
  • After calling the chopper:
    • "Chopper's on its way!"
  • The helicopter arrives:
    • "The chopper's here! Let's go!"
    • "The chopper's here! About time, too..."
    • "Everybody to the chopper!"
    • "Get to the chopper!"
    • Cut:
      • "Run to the chopper! NOW!"
      • "To the chopper, to the chopper!"

Crash Course[]

The Alleys[]

  • Intro:
    • Francis: "Alright, nobody panic. I have a plan."
      Louis: "Great. What is it?"
      Francis: "Well, it's pretty complicated. I don't want to bore you with a lot of the complex fractions but, step one is we walk that way."
    • Francis: "Wow! I love helicopters! I love 'em so much..."
      Zoey: "You what?" [Real concern] Francis, are you all right?"
      Francis: "Whoa, must've hit my head in the crash. I'm okay now. I hate helicopters."
    • Francis: "Goddamnit, where'd they buy this helicopter? At the ... uh... um... hold on..."
      Zoey: "The shitty pilot store?"
      Francis: "Yeah. Stupid helicopter."
    • Francis: "Hey. Mr Positive. We just crashed. You got somethin' positive to say about that?" (on Xbox, subtitles state "Sunshine Beam", rather than "Mr Positive")
      Louis: "We walking away from it, ain't we?" / "That was my first time in a helicopter... It was pretty exciting."
      Francis: Yeah, alright... I'll give you that.
    • Francis: "Hey. Mr Positive. We just crashed. You got somethin' positive to say about that?"
      Louis: "Yeah, I guess so. I bet we don't see any more Witches from now on. Anyone wanna bet me?"
    • Francis: "Hey Louis. That fancy college of yours teach you how to fix a helicopter?"
      Louis: "Have you tried turning it off and on again?"
      Francis: "You're kidding, right?"
    • Francis: "You're still wearing that tie, Louis? What? You got a meeting? Haha."
      Louis: "Heh, that's funny, Francis. Why don't you take your mustache, your little vest, and your chaps, and go find yourself a parade!"
      Francis: "[Grumbling] Don't see what's wrong with vests..." / "...Not even wearin' chaps..." / "I hate parades."
    • Francis: "See? I told you. Helicopter crashed. We're not saved. We're all gonna die. Pay up."
      Louis: "Francis, why would you bet that we're doomed?"
      Francis: "'Cuz it's money in the bank. Remind me to explain gambling to you sometime."
    • Zoey: "Okay, important safety tip: Don't get in a helicopter with a zombie pilot."
      Francis: "Yeah well next time someone offers us a ride, don't shoot him." / "Or in this case, a vampire."
      Zoey: "He was a zombie, Francis."
    • Francis: "Guys. Everyone. I wanna say something: I. Hate. Helicopters."
      Louis: "For once, we're in complete agreement, Francis."
      Zoey: "Well, boys, I guess we're walking."
    • Francis: "Guys. Everyone. I wanna say something: I. Hate. Helicopters."
      Zoey: "Seconded. What the hell?"
      Francis: "Let's just hike the hell out of here."
    • Francis: "I ever tell you how I feel about helicopters?"
      Zoey: "[sigh] Do you hate them?"
      Francis: "I guess I did tell ya."
    • Francis: "Is that how helicopters are supposed to land?"
      Louis: "Uh huh."
      Francis: "That's what I thought."
      Zoey: "Well, boys, I guess we're walking."
    • Francis: "I still can't believe you shot the pilot."
      Zoey: "He turned in a zombie, Francis. He wasn't gonna land the thing."
      Francis: "Well, I guess now we'll never know, will we?"
    • Louis: "Well, I guess we're walking."
      Francis: "I hate walking."
      Louis: "Look, five minutes ago you hated flying."
      Francis: "And it turns out I was right about that."
  • Upon seeing the pilot's corpse:
    • Francis: "Hey Zoey, here's the pilot, in case you wanna shoot him again."
      Zoey: "He was a zombie, Francis!" / "Okay, you know what? He was a zombie. ZOMBIE, ZOMBIE, ZOMBIE. Not a pilot. He was a zombie, Francis!"
  • Upon seeing the truck blocking the path:
    • "Truck's blocking the whole goddamn road..."
  • Entering the warehouse:
    • "Might be something in this warehouse."
  • Looking at a "Hersch" sign:
    • "I drove for Hersch once. Till some guy laughed at my little brown shorts. And I beat him to death."
  • When approaching the van across from the warehouse's exit
    • "Say. An alley."
  • When a horde is approaching during Crash Course:
    • Francis: "Here they come! Zoey, just pretend they're all helicopter pilots!"
      Zoey: "Zombie, Francis! He. Was. A. ZOMBIE!"
  • When Zoey sees a magazine rack:
    • Zoey: "Hey, Francis. They've got the latest issue of Hating Everything Magazine here."
      Francis: "I hate latest issues."
  • Seeing the army vehicles:
    • "Huh. The army. Fat lotta help they've been to us."
    • "Huh. The army. They're about as much help as the cops."
  • Upon seeing the train wreck in-town
    • "How many pilots have you shot, Zoey? Rough ballpark guess."
    • "Whoa... Zoey must've shot the train conductor. Hehe..."
      Zoey: "The pilot was a ZOMBIE, Francis!" / "Okay, you know what? He was a zombie. Zombie, zombie, zombie, not a pilot. He was a zombie, Francis!" / "The chopper pilot was a zombie, Francis!"
  • Upon seeing the bridge:
    • "Let's follow that bridge. Might be a way outta this dump."
  • When passing large fuel tanks:
    • Francis: "Hey Zoey, we're passing gas!"
      Zoey: "Heh, farting."
  • Passing steaming pipe:
    • Francis: "Hey, watch out for that goddamn steam pipe."
      Zoey: "Man, I love steam."
      Francis: "Yeah, steam's all right, I guess." / "I hate steam. ...pipes." / "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes."
  • Seeing a "For Lease" sign on a building:
    • "For...lease. Anybody got a pen? I wanna write this number down."
    • Francis: "For...lease."
      Louis: "I'll be damned. Francis, when'd you learn to read?"
  • Seeing a "I hate Mondays" sign:
    • "This sign says 'I hate Mondays'! Man, tell me about it. Unless it's Lasagna Mondays. I love lasagna."
    • Francis: "This sign says 'I hate Mondays'! Man, tell me about it."
      Zoey: "Unless it's Lasagna Mondays. I love lasagna."
  • When seeing the Eastern Waterworks sign:
    • Francis: "Waterworks. That where you pick up your crying supplies Bill? Hahahaha, I am hilarious."
      Bill: "Speak up, Francis! Your voice got all muffled from your head being so far up your ass!" / "You know who's gonna survive this mess, Francis? It ain't the fella making jokes." / "I'll give you something to cry about, Francis." / "Shut up, Francis." / " You ever get tired of being an idiot, Francis?"
  • When seeing the Riverside sign:
    • "Riverside! Ain't that where the army's holed up?"
    • Francis: "Riverside? Aww, I hate Canada." / "Oh my God, I hate Canada so much!" / "If there's one thing I hate more than vampires, it's Canada, eh!"
      Zoey "Yeah. Canadians are dicks."
    • Francis: "Riverside? Aww, I hate Canada." / "Oh my God, I hate Canada so much!" / "If there's one thing I hate more than vampires, it's Canada, eh!"
      Zoey/Louis: "Canada? Francis, we're in Pennsylvania."
      Francis: "Man! I've been hatin' Riverside all this time for nothin'."
    • [ Very rarely, when seeing a Hunter or hearing a Boomer after seeing the Riverside sign without Zoey or Louis correcting him ] "I hear a Boomer! And it sounded Canadian!"
      "Hunter! It looked Canadian."
    • Louis: "If we can just make it to Riverside, we are home free, guys!"
      Francis: "Ahhhh, I doubt it." / "I hate Riverside."
  • Seeing birds flying:
    • Francis: "I hate birds."
      Zoey: "Yeah. Birds are dicks."

The Truck Depot Finale[]

  • In the saferoom:
    • "Let's get in that truck, step on the gas, and not stop till we see the army."
    • "I got an idea. Let's steal that truck."
    • "Looks like we should check out that truck depot."
  • Passing by an alley:
    • Louis: "Hey, Francis. Wasn't this the alley you were born in?"
      Francis: "Yeah ha ha ha. This the one you wanna die in?"
  • Seeing the "Recycling" sign on a building:
    • "Thanks for saving the planet, recyclers. Mission accomplished."
    • "Copper... aluminum... brass... those guys recycle everything!"
  • Arriving at the truck depot:
    • "We gotta lower that lift!"
    • "That lift won't come down till we power up the generator."
    • "Someone wanna power up the generator?"
    • "Somebody should activate the lift."
    • Francis: "Hey, Zoey-when I drive us outta here, don't SHOOT me, alright?" / "I'm not driving. I don't wanna get shot."
      Zoey: "The pilot was a zombie, Francis!"
  • Starting the generator:
    • First try:
      • "Everybody hang on. This'll just take a second."
      • "Get in position, this'll only take a sec."
    • Second try:
      • "Stupid generator. Come ON!"
      • "Come on, let's go, let's go, come ON!"
      • "Goddamn generator. Come ON, let's GO!"
    • Third try:
      • "Goddamn it. Piece a shit generator..."
      • "I'm gettin' so sick of this goddamn generator..."
      • "Soon as we get the truck moving, I am going to RUN YOU OVER. Stupid generator."
  • When the generator needs to be restarted:
    • "POWER'S OUT! We gotta kickstart the generator!"
    • "POWER'S OUT!"
    • "We gotta kickstart the generator!"
    • "The damn generator broke again!"
    • "Someone needs to restart the generator!"

Death Toll[]

  • [ When entering the tunnel ] "Fantastic. A tunnel."
Bill: "Don't be an ass, Francis."
  • [ Noticing a sign warning of deer crossing at The Turnpike ] "Uh-oh, watch out! Deer around here."
  • [ To Church Guy ] "We're cops! Open up!"
  • "Man, I don't think that cop thing worked..."
  • "Let's see, I'm Francis, that's Grandpa Bill, and there's zombies out here! Open the goddamn door!"
  • Francis: "Have a heart, we got a helpless old man with us.
    • "Bill: "Hey!"
  • "I'm gonna tear that bell down and shove it up your ass!"
  • "Everyone but us is either a zombie or an asshole."
  • "Listen candy pants, we can make you open that goddamn door."
  • "If we live through this, I'm gonna frickin' KILL that guy!"
  • [ After Louis has stated that Riverside is a bust, and they should get to the river ]
    • Francis: "That's better than my plan."
    • Bill: "What was that?"
    • Francis: "I didn't have one."
  • [ When answering the radio in Death Toll ] "Attention boat owners! We are, uh, the cops! I command you to pick us up!"
  • [ When the rescue boat arrives in Death Toll ] “Our boat’s here, all aboard!”

Dead Air[]

The Greenhouse[]

  • "I hate planes."
  • "Let's get up that ladder!"
  • "'God is dead', huh? Well join the damn club."
  • "The whole damn city is on fire!"

The Crane[]

  • "Don't everybody start the crane all at once!"
  • "Our dumpster's arrived. Let's go, girls!"
  • "We outta get back on the rooftops."
  • "Somebody start the crane."
  • "Let's head back up."
  • "Let's head down the stairs."
  • "Safe house in that storage place!"

The Construction Site[]

  • "It figures the only thing in the damn city NOT on fire is the one thing we need to burn down."
  • "Ah shit. That half a plane ain't real encouraging."
  • "HELL YES! IT'S THE AIRPORT!"
  • "We can get inside over the skybridge."
  • [ When starting the The Construction Site's Crescendo Event ] "Heh, hot shot."
  • "There' a safe house across the skybridge."

The Terminal[]

  • "This is the most sober I've ever been in an airport."
  • "Let's go through the offices!"
  • "We gotta get through that pile a' junk!"
  • "The sad thing is, this is only the second worst time I've ever had in an airport."

Runway Finale[]

  • "Hey, we're almost outta this shithole. I told you I'd get you outta here." (Captions omit the word "outta")
  • [ When plane crashes ] "Holy shit..."
  • "Get to the plane! Let's go!"

Blood Harvest[]

  • [ Upon seeing the first picnic table in The Woods ] "You're tellin' me people camp for fun?"
  • [ Realizes radio is just a tape rather than live ] "Goddamn tape looped piece of shit, I hate the army." / "Screw the goddamn army."
    • [ APC arrives ] "I love the army!" / "I forgive you army, I love you guys!"
  • "That is one creepy-ass house."
  • [ Seeing lawn mower massacre in basement ] "Holy shit..."
  • "You gotta be shittin' me! We walked a hundred miles to fight five million vampires!"
  • "You gotta be shittin' me! We walked a hundred miles to fight five million vampires-" Bill/Louis: "They're zombies, Francis." "Whatever, and all they have is a goddamn tape looped!? Screw the goddamn army!"
  • [ When answering the radio in Blood Harvest ] "Attention army! This is- [Clears throat] -the cops!"
  • [ Upon seeing the first building from the forest on The Bridge ] "I bet we can get to the train station from that building!"


The Sacrifice[]

Intro[]

  • "Is this the Keys? Because I don't wanna live here." / "So this is the Florida Keys. Crazy how it looks like some shithole in the middle of nowhere."
  • "Hey Bill, I think I mighta missed the finer points of your plan. I caught all the train stuff. Something about a boat to an island paradise. But I missed the part where we're stranded in the middle of goddamn nowhere."
    • Bill: "You ever get tired of being an idiot, Francis?"
    • Francis: "Hey, I ain't the one who thought we could drive a frickin' train through the ocean."
  • "And why don't we want any of these boats? They look cool."
    • Bill: "'cause we ain't stoppin' for gas." / "You know who runs around filling up things with gas? Idiots."
  • "Holy shit! Did that truck have a head-on collision with a boat? Man, I wish I could have seen that."
    • Bill: "Shut up, Francis."
    • Louis: "Actually, I'd like to see that too!"
    • Bill: "Both of you, shut up!"
  • Francis: "Man, Zoey is pissed."
    • Louis: "I'm pissed too!"
    • Francis: "Really? This is you pissed?"
    • Bill: "Shut your traps, let's move out."
  • "Wow, I never thought I'd say this, but I think I wanna hang out with Louis."
  • "Louis, tell Zoey I don't know what's going on."
  • "Why did we stop?"
    • Bill: "We're out of track"
    • Francis: "What? We're not even gonna try driving it on the ground?"
    • Bill: "Shut up, Francis!"
  • "Hey Louis, I never thought I'd say this, but I think I wanna hang out with you."
  • "Yeah! Sandy beaches, coconuts, sand... Beaches, sand... Wait a minute, I hate islands!"
  • Louis: "Francis, Am i alone in hating boats?"
    • Francis: "Nah, don't worry, I hate boats too."
  • "I was getting tired of being cooped up. Looking forward to some walking."
    • Louis: "Way to go, Francis. Some cardio is just what we need."
    • Bill: "You're a regular healthnut."

The Docks[]

[ Approaching train car with Tank inside ]

  • "Do we really want to open that door? Please say no."
  • "Hey, Bill, I think there's a sailboat in the train."
  • "Okay. So, I'm not opening the door. You guys work it out and let me know when the door's open."
  • "Hey Louis, I don't think it's a tank in there. It sounds like a puppy. You should let it out."
  • "Hey, Bill. Zoey said you should open the door."
  • "Louis, you gonna open that door or what?"
  • [ When asked if he could open the door ] "Yeah, No pr... Oh, hey, wait a minute!"

[ Opening train door with Tank inside ]

  • "Oh shit. There is a tank in here."
  • "Get ready with some fire."
  • "Alright, alright, I'll be the brave one."
  • "Psst. Go for the one with the tie."
  • "Hey, remember who let you outta here..."

[ Inside Tank's train car ]

  • "Hey, Bill. Your sailboat smells like shit."
  • "God. Smells like Bill's beard in here."

The Barge[]

[ Safe room ]

  • [ On seeing Japanese graffiti ] Francis: "What the hell does this mean?"
    • Louis: "Let me see...uh...Taki...I love you...Goodbye."
    • Francis: "Whoa. How'd you do that?"
    • Louis: "I interned in Tokyo."
    • Francis: "Bullshit. Say "Bill's an idiot" in Japanese."
    • Louis: "Bill-san, baka desu."
    • Francis: "Nice."
  • "Louis, if you don't stop being positive, I'm gonna sink the boat just to make you sad."
    • Louis: "Thinking positive got me where I am, Francis."
    • Francis: "About to die in a brick factory? Cause I'm about to do that too. And I got to complain about shit the whole time."
  • "Hey, Louis. We been through the whole goddamn country, and it's all one big shithole. Still think it's going back to normal?"
    • Louis: "Even if it does go back to normal, they're not letting us back in. I think this island is the only chance we got."
  • "Okay. Explain to me again why we didn't take any one of the perfectly good boats we passed?"
    • Bill: "I keep telling you we're looking for a sailboat."
    • Francis: "Okay, but why didn't we drive one of those boats and look for a sailboat?"
    • Bill: "Shut up Franc- Alright, that's not a bad idea. / Zoey: "Because franc- Hey, yeah! What the hell, Bill?"
    • Louis: "Let's make a note of that for the next time, alright?"
  • "I'm still not seeing a boat. Why don't we head back and see if the train floats?"
    • Bill: "Are you getting tired Francis? Tell you what I'll go look for a boat and I'll pick you up and carry ya there." / "I can go look for a boat on my own, Francis. Why don't you go back to the traincars, shut your little eyes, and have a good cry?" / "We'll find it, we'll find it."
    • Francis: "I'm goin', i'm goin'."

[ Climbing the gravel hill ]

  • "Shut up, you stupid birds."
  • "Nice rockpile, birds! Ha ha, hold on, do you hear a zombie?"
  • "Nesting birds, Bill! Watch your beard!"
  • "Get up this pile of crap!"
  • "Anyone wanna guess what I'm hatin' right now?"

Port Finale[]

[ Safe room ]

  • "I wish I was heading to a deserted island. Can we each get our own?"
  • "I hate your good feelings."
  • "Yeah, I get it, Louis. Bill gets it for chrissake, and he can't even work a flush toilet."
  • "No more vampires."
  • "Louis, you're such a nerd."
  • Francis: "Bill, I just wanna make it clear in front of everyone that I am against the island plan."
    • Bill: "Cut the horseshit, Francis."
    • Francis: "Jesus, have you ever BEEN to an island? They're goddamn horrible."
    • Bill: "They're defensible, Francis. As far as we know, zombies can't swim."
    • Francis: "They're not the only ones."
    • Bill: "Speak up, son."
    • Francis: "I- I hate this plan!"
    • Bill: "Noted. Let's go."
  • "The vampires want to kill us, the army wants to kill us. With our luck, Zoey probably crossed the mob. What the hell makes you think we're gonna live to see Bill's horrible goddamn island in The Keys?"
  • Francis: "Hey Louis, have I ever mentioned how I feel about islands?"
    • Louis: "Are you joking?"
    • Francis: "No, I'm being serious. I really hate islands. I have insulaphobia - I'm afraid of islands."
    • Louis: "Shit Francis, once we get there, I've got your back. I'm gonna keep an eye on the island for you."
    • Francis: "No man, it's a medical condition. Just my goddamn luck."
    • Louis: "Punk island!" / "Punk-ass island bitch, you better watch yourself!" / "Better watch yourself once Francis and Louis is on the case!"
    • Francis: "Damn right."
  • Louis: Francis, you're ready to get to The keys and have ourselves a seafood feast?
    • Francis: "I hate fish."
    • Louis: "Well hater, I guess you don't have to eat any then."
    • Francis: "Oh no, I like eating them. That's one of the ways I'll let fish know how much I hate them!"

[ Bridge available ]

  • "All aboard! The bridge..."
  • "Everyone to the bridge!"
  • "Get to the bridge! Get to the bridge! Come on, get to the bridge!"

[ Bridge stopped ]

  • "Goddamn it, who broke the bridge?"
  • "Do you think that generator might restart itself?"
  • "Someone needs to restart that generator!"

[ When sacrificing himself ]

  • "Jesus, I'm brave."
  • "Guess I better save everybody."
  • "I hate suicide missions."
  • "Stay there! Goddamn it, I don't wanna die..."
  • "Nobody try to help me! Unless you want!"
  • "Don't move! I have a plan!"
  • "Stay there! Oh god, it shoulda been Louis."
  • "Stay there! Oh my god, I'm an idiot..."
  • "Don't try to talk me out of this! Anyone?"

[ Louis sacrifices himself ]

  • "I could have predicted that."
  • "Louis is dead."
  • "Louis little buddy, you did it!"
  • "Louis, the island won't be the same without you."
  • "Thanks Louis!"

[ Zoey sacrifices herself ]

  • "Noooo! You monsters! Take Louis instead!"
  • "Not ZOEY!"
  • "SHIT ZOEY!"
  • "I hate this!"

[ Bill sacrifices himself ]

  • "Bill! It should have been Louis! It should have been Louis!"
  • "Bill restarted the generator!"
  • "Thanks Bill, I owe you one. You old bastard..."
  • "Bill, you did it, buddy! You really did it!"

The Passing[]

  • [ In The Passing promo ad. In response to Rochelle saying she hates stairs ] "Oh my God! You hate stuff too?"
  • [ In The Passing promo ad. In response to Rochelle saying she hates stairs again ] "I know!"
  • [ In The Passing promo ad. In response to Rochelle saying she hates the bridge ] "It's so stupid!"
  • [ In The Passing promo ad. In response to Rochelle saying she hates Francis's vest ] "What now? Ugh, I dont think this is gonna work out."

Intro[]

  • [ In response to Nick asking to lower the bridge ]
    • "Go to Hell, suit."
    • "Bite me, Colonel Sanders."
  • "Hey! Nice ride!"
  • "Generator's out. Get to the other side and we'll help you get this thing down!"
  • "You down there, be calm. We're cops."
  • "Is there any four of you who isn't an asshole?"
  • "Look, I don't love this bridge. But we just lost a man and… Sorry brother, but you are on your own."
  • "Brother, I don't love this bridge, but right now we just lost a man and got a man down. Sorry, you are on your own."
  • "Hello, Rochelle. A beautiful name for a beautiful lady. This your dad?"
  • "Rochelle, you and your dad need to get down there and fill up the generator. Do that and we can lower the bridge."
  • "Yeah, that's Louis. I wouldn't get too attached to him, he'll probably be dead soon. I'm Francis."
  • "If you want to keep going this way, you gonna have to walk to the other side of this bridge, and then me and some ugh other cops up here can help you lower the bridge."

The Port[]

  • Francis: "Man, nice ride. That really Jimmy Gibs car?"
    • Ellis: "Yeah, you got that right!" / "Yeah, she belonged to a little someone called Jimmy Gibbs Jr."
    • Francis: "How she handle?" / "No kidding! You mean this car belonged to the Taco Dog!?"
    • Ellis: "Pulls a little to the left." / "Hehe, yeah- wait...what? Jimmy Gibbs Jr. was a LEGEND."
    • Francis: "[Laughs] Honestly, I'm more of a bike man myself." / "Yeah, that dog made some really good tacos." / "I wonder what happend to that dog, hope he's okay."
    • Ellis: "Really? Yeah what you riding now?" / "Can we not talk about dogs?!"
    • Zoey: "Hello, morons. I think we got a bridge to lower." / "Hey, car guys. Not the time. We have a bridge to lower."
    • Ellis: "Yes, ma'am!" / "Oh yes, ma'am..."
  • Coach: "Hey, so how do we lower this bridge?"
    • Francis: "Uh, i've been thinking about this. We lost a good man gettin' this goddamn thing up. I'm not real happy about putting it back down again"
    • Coach: "So what? you're gonna live up here?"
    • Francis: "Look, brother. We lost a good man. Another one is hurt. We can't get that generator filled up until Louis is back on his feet."
    • Louis: "Francis, we talked about this. We're gonna help them! We'll lower the bridge, but you need to fill up generator for us to lower it. that help us both."
    • Coach: "Sounds fair."
  • Francis: "Hey! Never thought a fancy ass like you would have made it this far."
    • Nick: "That's funny because I knew your lazy ass would still be here."
    • Francis: "At least I don't have a turd on my suit".
    • Ellis: "Man, i told you you had a turd on your suit."
    • Nick: "I uhh- I put it there". / "Ellis."
    • Louis: "Hey! Hey, guys! Plenty of time to fist fight once we get the bridge down. But for now, why don't you get down there and fill up the generator?"
  • Nick: "Thanks for telling us about the goddamn sewer."
    • Francis: "WITCH! Oh sorry, got confused by all your crying."
    • Ellis: "He got ya', Nick! It's like he's been knowing you forever." / "Yeah, He does go on."
    • Nick: "Whatever, so what are we doing here?" / "You know what? Screw both of you, okay? So what are we doing here?"
    • Francis: "Take the elevator down to the generator. Don't cry on it though, it's electrical" / "Cry your way over to the elevator and then sob your way down to the generator, fill it up with your tears and we'll take care of the rest."
  • "Hey! Alright. While you guys were gone, I came up with a plan. To do this quicker, we should break up into teams. Guys, you're shirts. Everybody else, skins...Now let's go!"
  • [ Attempting to compliment Rochelle ] "Hey Rochelle. De-peck Mode. I love that guy!"
  • "Hell yeah, I'll help *YOU*."
Ending[]
  • Zoey: "Man, I'm gonna miss Ellis."
Francis: "Yeah, me too!"
  • [Spoken two different ways] "Don't just stand there, haul ass!"
  • "Hey Ellis! I hate your hat, haha!"
  • "Y'know, they were alright."
  • "I love that car."
  • "Look at that car go!"
  • "Nick! Good luck, my brother."
  • "Goodbye Ro! Ugh... My lovely little angel."
  • "Bye Ro... I love you!" (May alternately sob 'I love you' soon after.)
  • "I hate goodbyes."
  • "I really am a cop, y'know!"

Additional Community Lines[]

  • "Hey Bill, your beard's frozen"
  • "I hate snow."
  • "I hate the snow"
  • "I hate the cold"
  • "I hate car alarms"
  • "Goddamn it, where did you learn to drive?" (Reused for L4D2's The Last Stand Campaign)
  • "I hate mountains"

Notes[]

  • If one has captions turned on when riding the elevators of No Mercy, there is an error between the soundfile that plays and the caption text. When Francis says "Which one of you jackasses just beefed?", the caption displays the unused quote "The Greatest mystery of the Vampire outbreak is which one of you jackasses just beefed." However, this line is still used in non-English languages instead of the shorter one.
  • "Oh yeah. I love steam. I just hate the pipes." line could well be a reference to Steam, the platform that every Valve game is running on, including Left 4 Dead.
  • When Francis compliments Rochelle on her shirt, he mispronounces "Depeche" as "De-peck".
  • In response to a sign, Francis talks about how he hates Mondays, "Unless it's Lasagna Monday. I love lasagna." This could be a reference to Garfield the Cat, who was known for hating Mondays, and loving lasagna.
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